Nerdy and Dirty

Original Song Title: Bonfire
Original Artist:

Childish Gambino - Bonfire

Original photo by MSG

[Verse 1]
Indeed it is I, Childish Gambino,
And I would ask my female companion
To crouch her buttocks to the floor
In the same way that stock market figures
Sometimes plummet to the bottom of the graph
And I know that Caucasian ladies
Are inspired to dance to my music
And I know that sometimes people
Smuggle cocaine in their nether regions
And I tell the African-American ladies
To dance as well
I would volunteer to have carnal relations
With women of either ethnicity
And just in case you are not certain
I would like to stress that I love women
Although I use animal terms to refer to them
And therefore should run animal rights organizations
And I wear fancy sneakers
And very short shorts
And I smell like women
And I have a large collection of green money
You collect green groceries
And I lured an Asian lady away
From her gentleman
And now he’d like to have a heated discussion
And I compare my male parts
To the a certain French accent mark
I am so hot
I am like an automobile sitting in the sun
And my pronunciation can go awry
As I sometimes pronounce slang words
With the proper enunciation
I’m just as nifty as an old engine
And I like Oreo cookies
And compare myself to these cookies
And sometimes women will eat these cookies
(Do I have to draw diagrams?)
Women prefer vodka
But as I am a fully-grown adult male
I myself prefer whiskey
And I am relaxing on an island
And fondly recalling obscure video games
And I slowed down the beat
Which I’ll compare to someone
Who has diminished mental capacity
My rhymes are incredible
And I am aware of that fact
And if someone disputes me
I tend to turn belligerent
And that makes other poets fear me
I will compare myself to a wild animal
And reference more obscure video games
And I’ll compare myself to a streetwalker
Because you’ll pay me to treat that way
And those of us with such talent
Can afford fancy new vehicles
And to dominate others in our community
As we have been historically dominated
You disparaged me but it did not halt my progress
Remind me again of your negative feedback
And now that my renown is increasing
People say I am their favorite
Indeed, that is compulsory
Or I will compare you
To a depraved horror film
And the behavior featured therein
And you would like me to point out my girlfriend
I am not a person of limited intelligence
If you want to see the women I date
See noted men’s magazines
Famous for photos of gorgeous women
And when you ask why every African-American thespian
Also must engage in urban musical poetry
I answer that I cannot speculate
But my skills are supreme
Amongst others who do the same

And I am setting the world on fire with my rhymes
The darkness is illuminated by this fire
And I am doing what you discuss

[Verse 2]
And if my musical rivals start rhyming
And start talking violence against me
I am not perturbed
I have enough criminal underlings
To take care of that sort of kerfuffle
And I also like to call my fans “goons”
And though I was raised in the South
I do not have an accent
And am not certain why that might be
And my stage name, Childish Gambino,
Reflects on the fact that the music
Is as easy as a children’s task to me
I do it so very effortlessly
And I’ll compare myself to Princess Diana
Who died
Thus, Princess Di
Catch my tasteless joke about the dead
And they want me to be genuine
To rap about my real life
And they want me to stop pursuing this career
And they feel like
I use pronunciation and vocabulary
Common to Caucasians
And they know they need to give up
As I am supreme, despite their jibes
You may not like me
But you must respect me
And my authority over you
And you can ask my producer
I have done some work to get this
His name is Ludwig
And I open up my soul in the musical track
Just like the soles of shoes hit a running track
And my cousin’s brain was scrambled
When he heard the music
And I feel no need to keep ethnic influences
Separate in my music
I mix them together
And I would like to mention
African-American nerds
That is something genuine
And I am telling my female fans
That my male parts have entered the building
And you may dislike me because your cousin
Played my record so much it became tedious
I like African-American ladies who are nerds
And who make silly noises when dancing
And those who had to perform after me
I apologize, I am incomparable
And I take Filipina women
To ethnic fast food establishments
And I like to do naughty things to her backside
And if you cannot see my hand under the table
Don’t interrupt me
And I do not temper my words
With polite soft-spoken language
I use harsh, loud expletives
And my current music is crazy good
I created it and then excelled myself
And I compare myself to an alleged murderess
And I am too different to be copied
And too much like a Warner Brother’s cartoon
And I will keep doing this until I exhaust my resources
And this summer, I will be releasing an album called “Camp”
And I will end this by calling you a female dog


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5 Responses to “Nerdy and Dirty”

  1. Avatar of crackerize

    crackerize says:

    October 18th, 2012 at 8:42 am

    “And I like Oreo cookies
    And compare myself to these cookies
    And sometimes women will eat these cookies
    (Do I have to draw diagrams?)”

    Hmmm. Maybe. I don’t think I get it.

    Avatar of PrestonPuddlestomper

    PrestonPuddlestomper Reply:

    Apparently diagrams are needed then. Or perhaps an infographic.

  2. MaccyGee says:

    January 2nd, 2013 at 8:00 pm

    “I have enough criminal underlings
    to take care of that sort of kerfuffle”

    Haha laughed all the way through this :)

    Avatar of crackerize

    crackerize Reply:

    Kerfuffle is just the best word. Period.

    Avatar of PrestonPuddlestomper

    PrestonPuddlestomper Reply:

    I agree, although it does sound a bit like a dessert or dessert topping….The caramel kerfuffle is the tastiest


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