Try to Dance

[Verse 1]

I’ve prepared some stories for relevant men
Who are baffled by the ways of women
Both those rejected for eagerness
And those too shy to try
For the men at the party who nice looking women only walk past
And make it incredibly awkward to remove your drink from your lap or stand up
For the men of nerdy variety whose only date the entire evening was a wall
For the men at business lunches
Too hungry to maintain an attractive composure
Missing the opportunity to dance to spontaneous music
Because you’re still in denial about your pant size
When a fine female candidate approaches
And actually sits down next to you
And asks you to dance for unquantifiable reasons
The moral of the story is
Despite obesity, you should try to dance

[Verse 2]

For the men with elaborate mating schemes
For the men who are “lone wolves”
I’m sorry, but you’ve got it all wrong
The women you hit on are not even attractive
For the men who shoot their own foot
And pursue religious careers in compensation for sexual deprivations
I tell you there is light at the end of the tunnel
No need to hang yourself
Try going to the cinema
Consider the ticket price as an investment
Be sure to arrive early before the theater lights are dimmed
To properly survey the available seats next to available women
If you’re lucky, a female will be attempting the same dating technique, and bravely embrace your inevitable awkwardness during this step.
If you’re unlucky, you will likely have to resort to spontaneous dancing in order to seduce the adjacent female
And the moral of this story is
Even though you’re awkward you should try to dance

Repeat after me
If I want it, I can have it
All I have to do is try to dance

[Verse 3]

For the men in urban settings
Beware of excessive humor
She might want to hear another,
But she doesn’t want you to touch her chest
To tell you the truth, it’s really all about money
Women are attracted to stable incomes, and surprisingly, also bacon
You likely however don’t own a car and thus don’t have much money
So you likely don’t have a girlfriend and live alone in your apartment
So for the men in low economic situations, don’t worry too much, some women are indeed stuck up or materialistic
Their standards are way too high or they don’t know what they want
Riding off looks in hope of marrying rich
For the men who pursue said women anyway, tanning at nearby beaches
Make sure not to adorn any stolen goods
Consider all joggers as dancing competition
The moral of this story is
Distract women from your poverty by trying to dance

[Verse 4]

For the best men in wedding or other ceremonies
Especially if it’s not blood related
Prepare for the event five days prior
With a properly calibrated sex drive
And a new suit
Don’t be depressed by the fact that you are
Nowhere near marrying a woman
If all else fails
Blink until a woman thinks you’ve winked at her
If you’re lucky, she will reply with a wink
Stop blinking now to look at her better
Hopefully she is attractive
If you have a heart condition
Beware of loud music and internal butterflies
Composure is key to being asked to dance
So the moral of this story is
Risk your physical health trying to dance if you must

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